


Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long

by Fionakevin073



Series: The Story of Us [3]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: F/M, Falling In Love Again, Grief, Two soulmates, Widow, family times, mentions of re-marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-02
Updated: 2017-08-02
Packaged: 2018-12-10 08:47:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11688162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fionakevin073/pseuds/Fionakevin073
Summary: A/U Where Tara and Jax find their way back to each other. Final Part of The Story of Us Series.





	Something always brings me back to you, it never takes too long

**Author's Note:**

> A/N Hey guys, this idea has been circling in my mind for a while: A third—and shortest— part to my Tara/Jax AU. This will be the final part of this universe and I hope you all will come along for the ride— and enjoy it. Thank you all for all of your support, I greatly appreciate it. 
> 
> Thank you. Please review!   
> Until next time,   
> Fionakevin073

Something Always brings me back to you, it never takes too long—Gravity, Sara Bareilles

i. 

Charlie dies of a heart attack when Tara is 59. 

Jessa is sixteen years old. Abel is thirty, Thomas is twenty-seven and Grace is twenty-two. 

The sky is dark. 

The earth is wet. 

Tara watches her husband be lowered into the ground, silent tears streaming down her face. Her features have grown looser, more wrinkles have appeared on her skin but she is still beautiful. The one thing that has not changed are her green eyes. 

The other, the wedding band that was placed on her finger multiple years prior still sits there, dragging her down into a pit of grief. 

“Mom,” Abel says quietly, snapping her back to reality as he wraps an arm around her shoulder, “The ceremony is over. Lets go.” 

The rest of her children appear nearby, tears streaming down their faces as well. 

She can’t dissolve into her grief. She can’t disappear. 

They need her. All of them. 

Especially Jessa. 

“Yeah,” she says, sounding more stable than she feels. She casts him a small thankful smile and moves towards them. 

She feels as though she left her heart back with him. 

ii. 

Time moves on. 

Tara shoves her grief aside and focuses on Jessa, on her children. Jessa has two more years of high school until she graduates and so Tara quickly forces herself to adapt to the difficulties of being a single parent. 

Something she thought she never would be again. 

It had been different with Abel and Thomas; they had moved to Chicago for a new start and they had needed her during those first five years constantly. Tara had had her whole life to look forward to; a new relationship, new job, taking care of her kids. Now, Tara is a widow. 

She does well. She drives Jessa to school, teaches her how to drive, talks to Abel, Thomas and Grace daily and they all travel back home for Christmas with each of their significant others. Tara works— her and Charlie had been planning on retiring after Jessa graduated so that they could travel the world but now that was not going to happen—, goes out with her friends and keeps her mind off her grief. 

(Her wedding ring remains firmly placed on her hand)

And then before she knows it, two years have passed and her daughter graduates. 

Tara and the rest of her children scream and clap at the top of their lungs when Jessa climbs onto the stage, a wide smile on her face as she waves at them enthusiastically. Tara’s heart aches when her mind whispers Charlie should be here, but she quickly brushes that thought aside, fighting to keep her smile on her face when she takes note of how similar Jessa looks to Charlie (they were practically identical). 

But besides that, it’s a good day. 

iii. 

August comes and Jessa moves into her dorm at the University of Chicago and Tara is alone. 

For the first time since Charlie died two years prior, Tara is completely and utterly by herself. 

She hates it. 

She lays awake late at night, clutching a picture of them on their wedding day to her chest as she sobs into her pillow, unable to sleep. The quietness of the house drives her insane. Tara can’t stand it. She can’t won’t can’t won’t. 

Her pain, her grief is so strong it overwhelms her. One day she quits her job and does the retirement paperwork so that she can loiter around her house. She talks to her children regularly, putting on a happy front so that they don’t worry about her. 

It’s strange, it has been two years since Charlie died but this is the first time that it really, actually hits her. 

She is a widow. 

iv. 

For a few months, Tara lives in this strange sort of limbo— more like a bubble really— that she feels that she can never break out of. She buys a dog that she calls Bruno to keep her company and she reads books and goes out with friends but it doesn’t feel the same. 

It’s different now. Painful. Her friends tip-toe around her, afraid of mentioning their husbands for fear that they would be insensitive. Her closest friend, Barbara, gently asks her if she would ever consider dating again. The idea seems nuts to her. Tara, in her entire sixty-plus years of living, had been in exactly three long term relationships with a few hook-ups scattered around. 

The only two people that she had really, truly loved were Jax and Charlie. 

She mentions this to Barbara, who stares at her in surprise. 

“What?” Tara questions, playing with the gold band on her finger. 

Barbara blinks at her slowly, her brown eyes wide. 

“That’s the first time you’ve mentioned him.” 

Tara frowns, feeling slightly confused. 

“Who?” 

“Jax,” Barbara clarifies, “You’ve mentioned that you were married before but— but you never really talked about it. You never spoke much about Abel and Thomas’s father— and now that I think of it, neither have they.” 

Tara feels oddly defensive. “It’s complicated,” she confesses before frowning as she begins to play with her hands in thought, “They were both so young when he went to jail—Thomas doesn’t remember him at all and Abel only vaguely. In those first five years after we left Charming, they both stopped asking for him— for Jax.” 

“Well, have you contacted him?” 

“I used to send him photo’s of the boys for the first fifteen years but then one day the prison began to send the pictures back, I figured he had gotten released. I tried to find his new address, called the prison headquarters and asked around but they didn’t have anything. Or at least, they wouldn’t tell me.” 

“Do you want to see him again?” Barbara presses— Tara doesn’t realise until later that she seems almost nervous, as though she were evaluating her reaction. 

“I don’t know,” Tara replies, a bitter taste forming in her mouth, “No— I think it would be weird. Too weird. Especially after what happened. . . .” 

Barbara doesn’t push her more. 

v. 

Abel and Thomas come to visit her on a Friday. 

Abel takes time off work at Presbyterian hospital for the weekend and Thomas takes the weekend off as well from his job as a police officer. 

Tara is pleasantly surprised at the sight of them and pulls them both into a warm hug. 

Shortly after, they are all sitting in the living room, with the boys sitting across from her. After they finish with the pleasantries, Tara notices the nervous expressions on both of their faces, how uneasy they seem. As though there is something they don’t want to tell her for fear about how they will react. 

“Are one of you dying?” Tara questions jokingly, titling her head, “You both look nervous to death.” 

Abel shoots Thomas a look, takes a deep breath and speaks. 

“Mom, Thomas and I have been talking to Dad.” 

Tara frowns, confused, “What—“ 

“Not our Dad, you know Charlie Dad,” Thomas cuts in, “Our other absentee Dad.” 

Silence. 

“We began looking for him a few years ago and we eventually found him working at a bike garage about an hour from here. At first we were both just curious but then we began talking to him and he’s. . . he’s not that bad.” 

Silence. 

“Mom, we wanted to tell you we did but then Dad got his first scare when we were planning on telling you and then—then Dad died—“ 

Tara raises her hand to stop them from talking, her eyes plastered to the ground. 

“No, I get it,” she tells them, feeling something heavy inside her shift uncomfortably, “You both have every right to want to know your biological father. He loved—loves, the both of you and I am sure that the two of you reaching out must been a great deal to him. Thank you for telling me.” 

They both look at her gobsmacked, sending each other wide-eyed looks. 

“Would you like to see him—“ 

“No,” Tara says sharply, causing Bruno to let out a whimper from where he sat by her feet. 

“Mom—“ 

“No. You are both free to have a relationship with Jackson. I have no desire to have such a relationship or meeting. At least, not now.” 

For the first time in many many years, Tara allows herself to think about what happened to Jax that night. 

During those first five years after their divorce, she thought of him frequently but then after she met Charlie. . .

Something changed. 

After they had gotten married, Tara felt strangely guilty if she ever thought about Jax or was concerned about his wellbeing; it almost felt as though she were cheating on Charlie. Not that Charlie ever told her not to contact Jax or anything like that, but she knew that it would have been strange somehow. As if bringing Jax into their lives would be like her choosing him over Charlie all over again. 

She fantasies that he has remarried to some Crow named Gigi who visited him in jail. She fantasises that he swore off all women for years and lived a solitary life. She pictures him with a beard and without, with short and long hair, with new tattoos crawling up his neck. 

That still does not change the fact that she can’t see him in reality. 

vi. 

She does though. 

See him. 

Not because of Thomas or Abel or anything, or because she looks for him out of her own accord but because she bumps into him at her supermarket. 

It’s odd, one moment she’s putting frosted flakes in her cart and the next— 

“Ow!” Tara exclaims, rubbing her elbow, “Gosh I’m so sorry—“ 

Her words die on her lips when she stares into familiar—god after all these years she knows instantly who it is— blue eyes. 

“Tara—“ 

“No,” she snapped, pulling away from him, her eyes wide. 

“Tara wait—“ 

“What—how?” She is at a loss for words. 

“I moved nearby about a week ago,” he supplies, though Tara still does not look him in the eye, “I figured that it would be easier to see Thomas and Abel.” 

Oh my god my heart is beating so fast. 

“I suppose so.” 

They stand there awkwardly, both unable to say anything. 

(Tara can’t—won’t look at him) 

“So. . . how are you?” he asks. 

And Tara can’t help but laugh hysterically, tears piercing her eyes. 

vii. 

She doesn’t quite know how it happens, but they wind up getting dinner later on that evening. It’s nothing fancy— it’s not a date— just a diner that Tara sometimes used to go to with the kids. She hasn’t been there in a while. 

It’s not until the waiter comes to ask if they want anything to drink that she realises how much Jax has changed. 

“Coke please,” Tara requests kindly. 

“Just a water,” Jax adds after her, much to her surprise. 

He shrugs under her surprised gaze but doesn’t say anything else. Tara observes him, taking notice of his smooth chin—free of any beard or stubble— and the wrinkles that have developed on his forehead. She notices the new unfamiliar scar above his right eyebrow and before she can say anything he says, “A prison mate tried to knife me back when I was inside.” 

“Oh,” Tara says softly, feeling oddly disrupted. 

She doesn’t know what to say after that. 

The only thing that hasn’t changed are his eyes. They are still the same shade of blue. 

“How has life treated you?” she finally asks, drumming her fingers against the table. 

“Well enough,” he shortly replies, a bit of an edge to his voice. 

Tara falters then for a split second before feeling oddly defensive. He must recognise that by the way her shoulders tighten at his tone, so he quickly adds, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound so. . .” 

“Angry,” Tara finishes, smiling fleetingly at the waiter when he returns with their drinks. She orders her food and waits for Jax to do so as well before she asks, “When did you get out?” 

“I managed to get parole after fifteen years.” 

Tara’s eyes widen. 

“Fifteen?” She questions loudly, her heart beating wildly in her chest, “How. . why. . .” She can’t find the words. 

“I cut ties with the club—for good— after my second year on the inside. My lawyer said that if I kept up my act I would be locked in there for at least 20 years without any chance at parole.” 

“It worked.” 

Jax smiles, looking slightly amused those there is a hint of bitterness that lingers in his eyes. “Yeah,” he agrees, “It did.” 

There’s a moment of awkward silence before he speaks again. 

“Tara, I heard about Charlie.” 

Tara lowers her gaze so that she is staring at her lap. 

“I’m sorry.” 

She gulps loudly, a lump in her throat as she struggles to find air to breathe. 

“Thank you,” she says finally, managing to keep her voice even, “It’s been a few years but— thank you.” 

He gives her a small half-smile before they both become distracted by the arrival of their food. 

They both begin to bite into their food and Tara smiles genuinely when Jax lets out a sound of approval. “This food is amazing,” he says, stuffing another piece of his dish into his mouth. 

“I know,” Tara replies, “I discovered it after I was bringing Grace home from soccer practice one day, I hadn’t made any lunch so I just pulled into this parking lot and hoped the food would be good. Luckily it was.” 

She feels his gaze on her and so she looks up at him, taking note of his hesitance. 

“Is. . .is Grace yours and Charlie’s—“ 

“No,” Tara interrupts, surprised, “Sorry, I thought Thomas and Abel would have told you about. . . everything.” 

“They mentioned that they had two sisters and showed me some pictures but they never really went into detail about anything. They mostly just wanted to talk to me and tell me about themselves.” 

“I suppose that makes sense,” she admits, twirling her pasta around with her fork before clearing her throat. “No, Grace is mine in the ways that matter but I didn’t give birth to her. She was two years old when I met her, her mother had left Charlie and. . . yeah.” 

“And so Jessa is—“ 

“Yeah,” she confirms, feeling slightly uncomfortable, “Jessa is ours.” 

The moment the word ours leaves her lips she almost winces. 

“Mine and Charlie’s that is.” 

He nods silently, taking another bite to eat. 

“And you?” she questions, sitting straight in her chair, “Did you ever marry again?” 

Almost as if on cue, she fiddles with the engagement ring Charlie gave her. 

“Almost,” he admits surprisingly, “There was this girl called Julie, I met her about a year after I got out, she was getting her car fixed at the garage. We were together for about five years, got engaged and everything.” 

“What happened?” she blurted out before adding, “If you don’t mind my asking.” 

“She died. Cancer.” 

“Jax. . . I’m so sorry.” 

He shrugs though he makes a point out of avoiding her gaze, though Tara still manages to catch a glint of sadness in his eyes. 

“I just wanted to let you know that. . . that I understand what you’re going through and if you need a friend just call me.” 

Tara smiles. 

viii. 

She does. 

Call him. 

At first she feels awkward doing it— this happens two weeks after they got dinner— but Tara feels so lonely sitting at home with her dog that she asks if he can just talk, if only for a minute. The calls become more and more regular until eventually they begin to meet for coffee—just them, never with the boys— and take their respective dogs out for walks together in the neighbourhood. She doesn’t take him to her house and he doesn’t take her to his apartment and it’s good. Simple. 

A true friendship. 

But even though Thomas and Abel are overjoyed, Jessa and Grace are less so. 

By the time Christmas break rolls around, all her children and Barbara are aware of her communication with Jax. All her children have returned home for Christmas and they all help her in putting up the Christmas decorations. They hang ornaments on the tree as Mariah Carey blasts on the radio and Tara listens patiently as Jessa tells her, “I’m just worried about you, that’s all.” 

“I know honey,” Tara replies. 

“I just. . .I mean you’ve only started talking to him recently yeah? It’s only Thomas and Abel who’ve been talking to him for years.” 

At this, Tara notices how Grace’s eyes narrow at her brothers— whom are listening in on the conversation as they hang ornaments on the upper half of the tree— before she mutters, “I still don’t know how they managed to keep that a secret for years. I mean, Abel waited a total of ten minutes before calling to let you know that he lost his virginity to his high school sweetheart and somehow he manages to hide the fact that he’s speaking to his biological father— and your ex— for years? Unreal.” 

Abel glares at Grace as Tara and the rest of their siblings giggle at him. 

“Grace,” Tara admonishes, “Be kind to your brother.” 

“Yeah Grace,” Abel grouches, “See if I try and save you with my super awesome doctor powers if you ever need it.” 

Tara rolls her eyes at him, still unable to believe that he’s her oldest child during moments like these as Thomas snickers at his brother. 

ix. 

They are all sitting in the living room watching The Polar Express when Jessa asks, “Why don’t you invite him to Christmas dinner?” 

“Who honey?” Tara replies sleepily, shoving a piece of popcorn into her mouth. 

“Jax.” 

The rest of them immediately stir at the name, with Tara staring at her in shock. 

“He won’t have anywhere to go right? He doesn’t have anyone and no one deserves to be alone on Christmas and well, he is family so we should ask him to come.” 

Tara sits there gobsmacked. 

“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Thomas comments quietly. 

Abel and Grace don’t say anything. 

“She’s right Mom,” Grace comments finally, though she doesn’t sound overtly happy about it, “You should invite him, we’ve never met him before.” 

“Abel?” Tara questions gently. 

“Yeah Mom,” He says finally, “I agree.” 

And so Tara calls them when the movie finishes— despite her protests that it’s too late— and waits in terrified anticipation for him to pick up. 

They exchange pleasantries before Tara finally asks, “The kids—all of them— and I were wondering if you would want to join us for Christmas dinner if you don’t have any plans. I know it’s pretty last minute but if you’d like to we’d all be very happy to have you—“ 

“I’d love that,” he cuts in quietly and for a moment it sounds as though he is crying. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Alright then,” she says, “I’ll text you the address. Be here by 1:00, okay? It’ll just be us this year, though Grace’s boyfriend and Abel’s girlfriend may make an appearance.” 

“Okay.” 

His voice sounds oddly fragile and yet— yet so incredibly grateful. 

“Goodnight Jax,” she says finally. 

“Night Tara.” 

x. 

When Christmas day finally does arrive, Tara wakes up earlier than everyone else—as per their family’s tradition— and begins to make everyone chocolate pancakes. Grace is vegan so she makes her’s last and by the time she is finished flipping the last one all her children have piled into the kitchen with happy smiles on their faces. 

“Merry Christmas Mom,” they all tell her, kissing her on the cheek. 

Christmas music plays as they all eat their breakfast before piling into the living room, where presents lay under the tree. 

“Remember, the presents under the tree in the morning and the one’s in your stockings in the afternoon,” she reminds them, causing them all to groan good naturedly. 

Tara bought Abel a watch, Thomas the blue ray high definition of all the Die Hard movies that while he never directly asked for she knew he wanted, Grace a weekend at that Spa she talked about weeks ago and Jessa two concert tickets to that indie band she can’t stop listening to. She receives two tickets to see the revival of the Sound of Music on Broadway from Grace and Jessa (“We always watched it whenever one of us was sick,” Grace explains) , a kindle she mentioned she wanted from Thomas and diamond earrings from Abel. 

“Thank you,” she tells them all sincerely, tears in her eyes, “I love them.” 

By the time Jax arrives, most of the food is almost done. Tara— thank god— hasn’t burned the turkey, Grace has finished making the salad, Thomas has just finished making their traditional chocolate cake— recipe curtsey of Charlie’s late Mom— with Jessa and Abel (both being unable to cook) setting up the table.

Tara is busy making he gravy when the doorbell rings. 

“One of you please go get it!” she calls over her shoulder, dusting her hands on her black pants. 

She hears her children greet Jax and all of a sudden she is nervous and self conscious. She had merely worn black pants with a red cashmere sweater. Her wedding ring and engagement ring from Charlie are still placed firmly on her hand as she reaches up to fumble with her necklace. During those first five years on her own with the boys, Tara had taken to wearing her wedding and engagement ring from Jax as a necklace and had rarely taken it off. 

Tara takes a deep breath, meets her reflection and smiles before taking off to the living room. 

xi. 

Tara is surprised by how easy it is. 

Letting Jax back into her life. Granted, there are moments over the next year where she misses Charlie so much she can’t breathe but Jax is there when she sells the house that fall and he is there helping her move into her smaller house in the country side, about an hour away from the city. 

He moves into a smaller flat nearby so the boys don’t have to spend so much time driving to see either of them. 

Jax is there when Abel marries his girlfriend of three years, Maria and he’s there when Jessa brings her first girlfriend home. 

He’s there, in a way he was never there before, even when they were married and together in Charming. 

Soon enough, they start inviting him to all their family get togethers until they no longer have to ask him to attend and merely expect him to. Tara meets his friends, few that they are and he meets hers and they fall back together. 

Within three years of him re-entering her life, they begin living together. 

xii. 

Tara had not visited Charlie’s grave in years. Her children had, she knew that but Tara had always found the idea rather pointless. She had made sure that his memory was kept alive by the pictures she had of him in the house and how she would celebrate his birthday every year and talk about him regularly with her children. 

When she does visit Charlie’s grave seven years later, she has begun to wear his engagement ring (and her ring from their wedding) as a necklace around her neck and has begun to wear Jax’s engagement ring on her finger, having given her wedding ring from their wedding back to him. She hadn’t known what he had done with it, with all he had said about it being that he wanted to return it to Charming. 

Gemma had long since died and Jax had merely commented that he didn’t want anything from her or their past life haunting them, as they both wanted to give their second marriage a new start. 

“Hey Charlie,” Tara said gently, hovering over his grave stone. 

She missed his smile and his humour so terribly a tear slipped down her cheek. 

“I just wanted to tell you that—that Jax and I are engaged again.” She let out a small laugh, almost as though she were surprised by the news. “I just wanted you to know that—that even though we didn’t get to die together and live out the rest of our days as we planned that I love you, every second of every day and that you are the best man I have ever known.” 

A fear more tears trickled down her face as she struggled to find the words to express what she had to say. 

“You know, when we first got back together after Jax and I had divorced, I used to think about what would have happened if I had chosen you and not him all those years ago and there were these moments, there horrible selfish moments where I wish I had and that made me wonder whether or not you resented me for not doing. I know you didn’t, you never held any of that against me because you always knew that we were meant for each other and I can’t express enough how you gave me hope and made me fall in love during a time where I thought that that wasn’t possible. I love that you were a father to Abel and Thomas without question and that you loved them and fought for them as though they were your own. I want to thank you for giving me two beautiful daughters and a wonderful, extraordinary life. That life may not have lasted forever, but they are the best of my life.” 

She cleared her throat before finishing, “And I know that I told you years that loving Jax was in my bones and that I didn’t know how not to love him and while that may be true— while Jax may be my soulmate you are—were my other half. You always have been. From that first day we met at that horrible party Jennifer Hoyt all those years ago, to that last day in the hospital where you took your last breath, to now.” 

A breath, a pause. 

“I love you and I’ll see you soon.” 

And with a smile and a heavy heart she wiped at her tears and walked away to her future. 

— 

End.


End file.
